Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I cannot find my penis.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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