Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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