If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My legs feel like baby dolphins
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
