so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
