On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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