am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
me + whiskey = a bad person
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
