so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
