best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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