after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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