How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
