When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
