good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
