i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
