someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is wine microwaveable?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
