So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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