I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oh god it's open bar.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
