OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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