The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
