Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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