I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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