She went from zero to smokin in five shots
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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