She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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