I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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