Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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