He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
3 2 1 whiskey
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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