I think I died a long time ago.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
