the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i believe in u and ur pee
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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