i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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