Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
