You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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