You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
