um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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