hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
