I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
