I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
