Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
