I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
did you just send me my own nude
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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