ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
