Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
