I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
