i used baking grease as lip gloss
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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