did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just pynch a tree in the face
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
