We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
