a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
