I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
