So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
