just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
