I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
