if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
