9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
