dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
